


Honey

by christinefromsherwood



Series: 007 Fest 2019 [9]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Bad Puns, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, In the Cotswolds!verse, M/M, Poor Q, Puns & Word Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 08:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19763977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinefromsherwood/pseuds/christinefromsherwood
Summary: “Q…”“No!”Q clenched his eyes shut and his fists in the bedsheets. He remained lying on his side resolutely turned away from his husband.“Quartermaster…”“No! Not another word, James!”  He knew his voice was shaking, but he couldn’t help it. It was ridiculous! “I’m still contemplating whether I can continue sharing a bed with a person who could say such a thing!”“Honey…” James’s voice was also a bit unsteady - in a sort of soft, careful way.Q let out a soft whimper.“You are really not helping your case here!”





	Honey

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt Table Fill: Fluff (In the Cotswolds) - Honey
> 
> Anon prompt: Write a fic full of puns! 
> 
> I can’t claim to have invented all of these delightful bits of horribleness. Some of them, however, did come to me without having to look them up and I am very proud of myself.

“Q…”

“No!”

Q clenched his eyes shut and his fists in the bedsheets. He remained lying on his side resolutely turned away from his husband.

“Quartermaster…”

“No! Not another word, James!” He knew his voice was shaking, but he couldn’t help it. It was ridiculous! “I’m still contemplating whether I can continue sharing a bed with a person who could say such a thing!”

“Honey…” James’s voice was also a bit unsteady - in a sort of soft, careful way.

Q let out a soft whimper.

“You are _really_ not helping your case here!”

“Come on, darling.” Again with the cajoling. “You want to hear this. You know you want to know…”

Q took in a deep breath, exhaled and then turned around to face his fate head-on.

“Alright… Alright!” he said. “But if it’s like the last one, I swear to God, I’m calling the lawyer and _divorcing_ you!”

James’s eyes sparkled with laughter in the soft moonlight as he stroked Q’s cheek with his knuckles. And then he went and tugged on his earlobe! 

Q swatted his hand away in annoyance. He was being serious here!

“Of course you are, darling.”

Q nodded, and settled with his hand under his cheek.

“As long as we’re understood.”

“Are you listening then?”

“Yes, I’m listening.”

Filled with trepidation, Q took a deep breath and waited.

“So,” James began. “Like they told us today, bees dance in their hives to communicate, right?”

“Yes, where are you going with this?”

“Well, do you want to know what music they dance to?”

“No!” Q shot up on the bed and shoved at his husband. “No! Don’t you say it! Don’t you DARE!”

“BEE-thoven.”

Q deflated on the bed like a punctured balloon.

“I hate you,” he sighed and covered his face with his hands. “I hate you so much right now. That’s so much worse than I- I thought you were going to go with Bee Gees.”

“Huh, Bee Gees… Forgot about them.”

“Or Let it Bee by the Bee-tles, or Sting,” Q said, voice muffled. 

He knew he should stop, that he was only pouring fat into the fire, but the words came out without his volition.

Then James was tugging his hands away from his face, and he was looking at Q like he had never seen him before.

“Honey, you are unbee-lievable.”

Q groaned in actual physical pain, and then because he just couldn’t help himself, continued:

“There’s also Bee-yoncé.”

“You’re so good at this, darling,” James whispered, and Q would be flattered, maybe, if he couldn’t recognize the glint in his husband’s eyes which told him that what was coming next was going to be bad. 

“I can’t help pollen in love with you.”

Q whimpered.

This.

This was the man Q married.

He stared at him. With those ears and his hair sticking out in all directions, grinning like Christmas had come early.

Marry someone who’s also your best friend, they said. Don’t have sex with people you can’t laugh with, they said.

This was what it led to.

They never should have gone to that natural museum insect exposition. They did advertise that it was for small children.

Q had honestly thought James was over his little problem.

There hadn’t been a terrible pun in weeks. 

Not since the “When I get naked in the shower, my shower-head gets turned on” bathroom incident. 

But that had been quite early in the morning, and Q had managed to distract James with a blow job and he had been so sure, _so sure_ , that was the end of the puns.

But one sign with a giant cartoonish bee, titled _True or False?_ with the bee’s speech bubble saying _Quit pollen my leg!,_ and James was off again.

And then came the whirlwind about buzz-cuts and house-swarming parties in new hives, and later in the pub during their lunch James came up wasa-bee, and overeating bees being chu-bee.

Even later in the afternoon came the fumble-bees and mumble-bees, and the American USBs (James was so happy with that one, he actually texted it to Leiter straightaway. What with the time-zones, this would be the first thing Felix saw when he woke up in the morning. The poor man.)

And nothing Q would say worked, because apparently the beauty of the puns was in the eye of the bee-holder.

And so the day ended on a low note when they went to bed with James deciding it would be a great idea to initiate sex with the words: “Will you give me some sugar, ‘cause I am a little hornet”, pronouncing the last word like Monet and waggling his eyebrows.

This.

This was the man Q married.

And for reasons Q could not fully explain even to himself, there was nothing he would not do for his idiot husband: break privacy laws, hack allied governments, buy that awful cheese from Boulogne…

Q sighed, grabbed a hold of James’s hand and made sure to look him deep in the eyes when he opened his mouth and said:

“Honey, your bee puns really sting.”

And then he just watched as a grin full of surprise and delight dawned on James’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you hate me now? :D Come yell at me in the comments, or on [Tumblr.](http://christinefromsherwood.tumblr.com/about)
> 
> For more delight from this 'verse[ click on here](http://christinefromsherwood.tumblr.com/tagged/in%20the%20cots)


End file.
